Application to be My Girlfriend:
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JOB DESCRIPTION
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POSITION TITLE: VisHaL's Girlfriend
DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES
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-Frequent dates dinners and at least one DTR.
-Long phone conversations and longer walks on the beach (in
the moonlight).
-Occasional light PDA.
-Attend all couple events (formal, dances, etc.) with me.
-Ga-ga-gazing sessions at least once a week.
-Hair may not be cut for duration of employment.
-Sappy, hand-written letters during long periods of
separation (twelve hours or more).
-Frequently becoming "in distress" so that I can rescue you.
HOURS PER WEEK
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Minimum of 30 hours a week, flexible--though additional time
will be encouraged and expected regularly. Additionally,
several hours per week should be spent daydreaming about me
in your own free time, preferably in the middle of class or
when you ought to be reading. If more than one Girlfriend is
hired, these hours will be divided equally.
QUALIFICATIONS
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Education: High School , as well as one or more years
in college completed. Percentage of 70% and up helpful but not
necessary.
Experience: Less experience actually better. Must have kissed
less than ten different guys.
Attributes: High levels of maturity, intelligence, purity,
popularity, and hygiene a plus.
Skills: backrubs, good communication skills, musical
instruments or voice, ability to recite Pi to 40 or more
digits.
Applicants with names like "Riya" "Richa" "Rini" or
"Sonal" encouraged.
Applicants with the letter A & D in their names also encouraged.
REQUIREMENTS
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-Hair must be at least shoulder length and undyed. The longer
the better.
-Must like Soup.
-Must have the ability to talk or not talk forever, and still
find something to not talk about.
-"Modestly Hot"-ness encouraged. Super-Hot or Super-Not
discouraged except in exceptional circumstances.
(Super-Not can always grow longer hair, Super-Hot
can always cut some off.)
-"Girl-ness". Men need not apply.
-No makeup wearers, nose-pickers or bed-wetters.
-Must have a good sense of humor or a good sense of when to
humor me.
-Must be in at least your second year of your
crush/obsession/infatuation with me.
-Must be jealous enough to fight off female stalkers with
sticks or rocks, and female suitoresses with dirty
looks (or dirty sticks, if need be).
BENEFITS
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Sick Leave, Vacation (spent with me of course), opportunities
for promotion and advancement. Matrimony option opens up
after a few years (which has a good retirement plan as well
as childcare available). At least one flower with a sappy
note per week. Stock options (and I do mean *stock*). Meal
plan includes several meals a week, and chocolate on the
weekends and valentines day.
PAY
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Being my Girlfriend is an honor. This position, being open as
a charity, will not seek to make a profit. However, those
hired will be happy to find they need only pay me Rs.500 a
month, to cover expenses.
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APPLICATION TO BE MY GIRLFRIEND
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Name:
Age:
Hair Length:
No. of years infatuated with me:
Explain in 300 words or less, how much you are obsessed with me:
Talk about how great I am, making sure to touch upon my "dreamy eyes":
In 300 words or less, explain why I should let you be my girlfriend:
Write a love sonnet to me (assume for now your love is unrequited):
Talk some more about my "dreamy eyes":
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